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I’ve been thinking alot lately. Mainly reviewing where I’ve went wrong with my past relationships. But first a brief history about it…
Thru my 28 or so years on this Earth, I’ve had 2 major relationships. I never considered myself to be that “playa” when it came to relationships. When it comes to the opposite gender, I normally in the first minute or two determine what category they fall under. It’ll be either the “friends” or the “possibilities” category. In any case, this is how I roll. However, in each category, nothing is never set in stone. But it takes a whole mess of factors to move things from one side to the next. Anyways, I’ve had 2 major relationships in my life. Each one lasting about 5 years or so(give or take) a piece.
The first starting in high school and lasting almost throughout college. The other lasting until about half a year ago. In each case, both relationships were to the extreme. To the fact that it was “built to last”. Both relationships were to me quite serious. I was in it for the long haul. Where in due time, could have lead to marriage. But who knows?! Anyways, the first one…as “high school sweethearts” and all that jazz, finally it came full circle at the end. We were both young and she didn’t know what exactly she wanted in life. I’m not saying I really knew that either but I had a better sense of myself than she did. Insecurity issues for sure!! As I look back on that, I now actually would have considered ending things alot sooner. We were a total mix-match from the beginning. I even concluded that we could never be just friends for that fact. Also, I forgot to mention when we got to college, it became a very long distance relationship. I’m guessing that was a major factor on why it lasted so long. That lasted 5 1/2 years.
The second one lasted almost 5 years…4 1/2 to be exact. It started at work. We didn’t really “worked” together but we kinda did. Actually, my company was a vendor for her company. Anyways, this also was with someone that had insecurity issues. By this time, I was done with college and was starting out on career path. On the other hand, she had no major direction than the direction of making money. Right off the bat, we were on different wave lengths with education, experience, and goals. I guess I was punch drunk with love that I didn’t really realize this as I was going into it. Anyways, with that said…near the end there, we were living together and everything. Again…on hind-sight, this would have been so much easier if I ended things a while back. Especially, after she lied and cheated on me. I guess I was too nice of a guy and gave her the benefit of the doubt. To this day, I can say that I can never give her an ounce of trust ever again.
I don’t know if I can ever give my full trust in anyone ever again. I’m saying it’s gonna probably take a full fledged contract signed in blood to make me hinder otherwise when it comes to relationships. I don’t see myself being that “dude” that bounce from meaningless relationships to the next. I can’t picture myself hitting the streets in search of that “piece of ass”. I guess I just can’t go into a relationship without getting emotionally attached in one way or another. Especially, if that relationship involves the physical aspect of things. I don’t know how some people can detach themselves mentally from physically. In my book, that is a whole different playing field than just “dating”. When it comes to that point where a relationship becomes more than just casual dating. You can’t really help but to fully get involved with your mind, body, and soul.
In any sense, I’m glad that I’m out of those relationships before it hit that pinnacle moment of holy matrimony. That would’ve been a bitch of a time if that were to happen. I would probably had to kill myself before I went thru that!!! It’s hard enough dealing with a “normal” break-up let alone a relationship that had tighter bonds than just platonic.
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