Who?! Mike Truong’s Weblogtastic!!!!

It’s just about 2 o’clock in the morning 2 days before Christmas. I find myself up watching Carson Daly on TV. Tonight’s guests includes the lovely, Kat Dennings of Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist. I must say, Kat is a unique and quirky individual and I dig that!! Ya’ll can find that out for yourself. Check her out on her YouTube channel and her own blog site. Well, now I find myself watching Down To You on Encore. A semi-cheeseball flick about young love that got too complicated too quick but with a pause finds a new and a happily ever after. I can probably sit here and over analyze this repeated genre until the proverbial cows come home. Who am I kidding?! I know I’ll be doing so in some sorts anyways. So why fight it!! I seldom sit here late nights just pondering and keeping myself from my must needed nightly ritual of slumber. Although the topics of my ponders vary from night to night but on average the constant matter of subject always consist of my relations and the dealings of my heart. I know most guys my age are mainly concerned with other aspects of their lives other than that of their hearts. Such as their careers, worrying about what type of car they’ll be driving, or most survey says…the next chick they get into bed! I won’t lie…those thoughts do come in and out of my head. But as quickly as they come, they always leave in the same fashion. Just a fleeding moment of questionable doubts that with a blink of an eye and a centering breath, I find myself once again in that calm state of restlessness. A calm state of contentment but with a hint of restlessness lingering in the not so distant background that ultimately makes my nights start out with a lack of sleep. So obviously I find myself doing what I normally do when I can’t sleep…watching randomness on the TV or surfing the web for useless nonsense. I guess it could be worst but I think it’s worse enough just to loose sleep over irrational rubbish. Once upon a time I came to a conclusion that the moment I realize my dreams with my real eyes, that these dreams are no longer dreams but the mere essence of my reality. A constant state of mind that I’ve been working towards for quite some time now. A state of being that lives up to it’s expectations to only a certain degree. In certain terms, all I really want to do is just to be profound. To reach my state of enlightenment. A state where anything and everything just makes perfect sense…to me!

Well it’s been quite a while since I’ve put my thoughts into words. I apologize for that!! It’s been pretty interesting the past couple of months in my life. Where to begin? I mean…I’ve been posting stuff but not like I use to it seems. Go check it out over on my MySpace account!! blog.myspace.com/whoismiketruong So here is my first entry back in the saddle of things…sorta speak!!!

“Thoughts are like boomerangs.” – Eileen Caddy once wrote. In true form, I agree. Sooner or later everyone comes to a point in time where we all reminisce about things. Most of the time we’ll all reminisce about the past. I’ve stated before that the past is what makes us who we are today and also it dictates to a certain degree who we’ll be in the future. I’ve been going thru a phase lately where I’ve been analyzing my life. I’ve came to some conclusions…it seems the less I try at things, the more successful I am in achieving my goals. Weird it seems!!! The less I try…the better I am!!!! That’s fucking nuts!!! Well, let’s put it this way. The more I try to achieve a goal, the more opportunity there is for epic failure!!! I just don’t understand!!! Am I just setting unreasonably high standards that it becomes impossible to accomplish?! I don’t think so!!! I’m the type of person that is quite analytical and reasonable. I rarely get excited about anything for the reason of being disappointed. So, I don’t know what is up with this!!! I can’t just shake it!!! This has been happening all my life it seems. So, what is there for me to do?! I like to consider myself an optimist but it seems lately being a pessimist is more ideal. Is it pointless for me to set goals? Is it pointless for me to plan for things? Am I not spontaneous enough? What is it?!!! I’m almost at an ends on this!! I’ve gotten to a point where giving up seems like the logical plan. But then again, that’ll just be more of a headache!!! See!!! It never fails!!! The more I plan for things, the worst off I am!!! I do admit, the last several occasions that I’ve had the most fun was times when I acted on the fly. Where that last minute decision worked out for the better. Where going into it, I hadn’t thought much of it nor knew what I was getting myself into. So, what kind of life lesson can I achieve from this?! If I live my life half-assed, I will prosper!!! That’s some fucked up shit!!!!

Wish me luck!!!!

P.S. If any of ya’ll get bored, go check out more randomness at my YouTube channel!!! I have over a hundred videos on there now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! www.youtube.com/whoismiketruong

I’ve came to realized last night that love is a very fickle beast. I was working at my video store as I normally do on a very slow Sunday night trying to not go stir-crazy from the sheer amount of boredom that had bombarded me at work. After watching my co-worker, Jay getting overly frustrated with the Super Mario Bros. 3 game that was installed on one of our computers at work and a massive construction of a dvd case skyscraper, I was visited by her. As I expected…I barely got the time of day. Well, now I know that it was definitely definitely never meant to be, thus I move on. On the other hand tho…I was reminded how likable I am and it gives me hope in a sense that loves is truly unconditional and very aware of the fact that love cures any boundaries and limitations. However again, love is still very unpredictable. All I can really do is “dye grass” and continue on my tireless mission to be great. I seldom contemplate the romantic notion of just picking things up on a whim and just leave…with no trails of where I’m going nor any bonds of ever being located. To become that vagabond that I occasionally fantasize about being. Walking the Earth like Caine in the Kung Fu movies. Letting the breeze carry me thru life. I guess one day that might happen but not anytime soon.

Well it’s been a while since my last post…actually a long while since. I guess I haven’t had much to say or couldn’t really find the right words to inspire to do so. I sit here today on a Tuesday at work feeling a little disappointed with life in general. It’s more than a third thru the year and nothing seems too promising. Work is work…life is life it seems. No more, no less. I been wondering lately what is my exact purpose in life. Should I be doing this or be doing that? Feeling a little lost in the world. That as time goes by, I find myself searching extensively more and more for that “quick fix” of happiness. I’m becoming someone that I’ve swore to never become…a grump!!! I’m slowly crossing over to the dark side. Being that introvert that most of you know that I am not. I guess that slight depression that I’ve been battling with hasn’t fully eluded me yet. I don’t know really what it is. However, it seems to be the same issue time in and again. Positive thinking is definitely not the key because all that is going to do is allow you to have a false tense on the more important situation at hand. I can say that life could be a lot worse. I just need my moment of greatness soon or I think I’ll just burst! I consider myself a pretty easy going person but as of late, things are just not up to par with my already low expectations. I mean…every once in a while, I’ll be blessed with a moment of bliss and that’ll get me going for a while but I’ve noticed that the moment of bliss doesn’t last as long as it use to. It seems that I might have to resort to extreme measures…a whole mess of booze and strippers!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s Thursday morning and I must say, days are just dragging along nowadays. A constant state of comatose with random sprinkles of stimulation time and again. I try my best to live in the moment but with the hustle and bustle of life these days, I find myself just along for the ride.

I’ve been giving my life up to chance most of the time. I can only say that there is about just a handful of times where I’ve been able to take matters into my own hands and was able to make something out of it. I would like to think of myself as that dude that gets shit done. To have everything in order and be able to live off of a whim and fly by the seat of my pants. As we get older in life I guess, we lose site of what really matters to us in life. I know not to take the trivial things in life for granted. Making the most of every little thing that comes our way. That you must have faith to any measures just so you can greet the next day with open arms. That believing in yourself is a good enough religion to have. That you can’t really expect things to happen unless you allow it to happen. Growing up, the most profound question that a young person is frequently asked is, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Most kids would say things like…”Police Officer”…”Fireman”…”Astronaut”…”Ball Player”…”Doctor”…not really knowing what it takes to achieve those goals. In that rare occasion, some of these kids will actually grow up to be what they say they want to be. Those kids deserve high praise but those kids are those that are gifted. For us normal “Joe’s”, we are not that fortunate. We actually have to bleed…sweat…and cry just to get by. Thru trial and lots of errors, we finally will find our way thru life. I only hope that these walls I have to climb don’t get any higher than what they’ve been as of late. I’m not sure how much more energy I can invest in this venture. I’m already running on fumes as it is!!!

Some days I feel like I’m flying on a cloud and then there are some days that I just want to curl up and just sleep the days away. Today seems to not be the best I’ve been in a while. On top of being a little tired and feeling really sluggish, I’m getting really hungry!!!! Good thing lunch is just around the corner!! But what really sucks about the matter is that I have no ounce of motivation to go get something to eat…

WAIT THE FUCKING MINUTE!!!!!!!!

These “moods” I’m in sounds similar to the symptoms of being depressed!!! WTF?!!! Can I really be depressed?!! I don’t think I am!!!!! So what can it be?! I know!!!! I need to get laid!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….maybe.

It’s just about the 2 o’clock hour on a Monday afternoon. I haven’t been “inspired” of late to keep up with my blogging. I apologize to you all. I’m not really sure why but I guess I’ve just been in a funk of things. From figuring out some potential career paths to just everyday living. I’ve been in this state of helter-skelter I guess…well, not so intense of the word but something surely doesn’t fit right and I’m dying to figure this out!! I’ve been on the mix of many things as of late.

First off…the whole relationship deal!

As many of you might already know, that I was attempting to make something out of nothing with this girl a few months back. Since then I’ve cut my losses and been trying to move on. But then a couple of weeks back, our paths happened to cross and of course all my feelings for her came rushing back. I’ve been on the fence of giving it another try or not. I’ve been tempted to just give her a call and ask her out to something simple…coffee maybe?! Needless to say, I’ve yet to accomplish that. So, I’ve been contemplating should I just move on and see what else is out there? Or…give it one last hoorah!!!! I’m just gonna leave it up to chance and be realistic and just plan for a miracle!!!

Next off…my potential career paths!!

As I get older now, I am privileged enough to actually start thinking of investing in better tomorrows. I’m at a point of my life where I can honestly say that a self-made business is very achievable. I think I’ve learned enough from all my years working to know what it takes to start and maintain a successful business of my own. I’m not saying that I’m a total expert at it but I know enough and I’m more than willing to learn everything and anything on the way. Well, this year is suppose to be a good year for business. We’ll see I guess!!

Last but not least…LIFE!!!!

The other two aspects consume a good portion of my time throughout the days but I’ve been finding myself with a whole heck of a lot of spare time on my hands. I’ve been wanting to do a whole mess of extracurricular activities but haven’t really have the means to get to it. Although it may sound like I have a lot of free time but I forget to mention that the only time that I have free is pretty late at night. Where most of the extracurricular activities that I want to do is more or less at a “normal” hour of the day. I figured that in the next few weeks, my schedule will let up and allow me to actually do some of this stuff that I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time now.

Also….I need to travel more!!!!!!!

I’ve been thinking alot lately. Mainly reviewing where I’ve went wrong with my past relationships. But first a brief history about it…

Thru my 28 or so years on this Earth, I’ve had 2 major relationships. I never considered myself to be that “playa” when it came to relationships. When it comes to the opposite gender, I normally in the first minute or two determine what category they fall under. It’ll be either the “friends” or the “possibilities” category. In any case, this is how I roll. However, in each category, nothing is never set in stone. But it takes a whole mess of factors to move things from one side to the next. Anyways, I’ve had 2 major relationships in my life. Each one lasting about 5 years or so(give or take) a piece.

The first starting in high school and lasting almost throughout college. The other lasting until about half a year ago. In each case, both relationships were to the extreme. To the fact that it was “built to last”. Both relationships were to me quite serious. I was in it for the long haul. Where in due time, could have lead to marriage. But who knows?! Anyways, the first one…as “high school sweethearts” and all that jazz, finally it came full circle at the end. We were both young and she didn’t know what exactly she wanted in life. I’m not saying I really knew that either but I had a better sense of myself than she did. Insecurity issues for sure!! As I look back on that, I now actually would have considered ending things alot sooner. We were a total mix-match from the beginning. I even concluded that we could never be just friends for that fact. Also, I forgot to mention when we got to college, it became a very long distance relationship. I’m guessing that was a major factor on why it lasted so long. That lasted 5 1/2 years.

The second one lasted almost 5 years…4 1/2 to be exact. It started at work. We didn’t really “worked” together but we kinda did. Actually, my company was a vendor for her company. Anyways, this also was with someone that had insecurity issues. By this time, I was done with college and was starting out on career path. On the other hand, she had no major direction than the direction of making money. Right off the bat, we were on different wave lengths with education, experience, and goals. I guess I was punch drunk with love that I didn’t really realize this as I was going into it. Anyways, with that said…near the end there, we were living together and everything. Again…on hind-sight, this would have been so much easier if I ended things a while back. Especially, after she lied and cheated on me. I guess I was too nice of a guy and gave her the benefit of the doubt. To this day, I can say that I can never give her an ounce of trust ever again.

I don’t know if I can ever give my full trust in anyone ever again. I’m saying it’s gonna probably take a full fledged contract signed in blood to make me hinder otherwise when it comes to relationships. I don’t see myself being that “dude” that bounce from meaningless relationships to the next. I can’t picture myself hitting the streets in search of that “piece of ass”. I guess I just can’t go into a relationship without getting emotionally attached in one way or another. Especially, if that relationship involves the physical aspect of things. I don’t know how some people can detach themselves mentally from physically. In my book, that is a whole different playing field than just “dating”. When it comes to that point where a relationship becomes more than just casual dating. You can’t really help but to fully get involved with your mind, body, and soul.

In any sense, I’m glad that I’m out of those relationships before it hit that pinnacle moment of holy matrimony. That would’ve been a bitch of a time if that were to happen. I would probably had to kill myself before I went thru that!!! It’s hard enough dealing with a “normal” break-up let alone a relationship that had tighter bonds than just platonic.

I came across this piece of wisdom today:

“Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.” -Confucius

That is quite true. But you can interpret that anyway you want. As for myself, I see it as that rushing thru something just to get a result is foolish and that any thing that you might find important in life needs patience and dedication to be done correctly. Life is to precious to take things on a whim.

I recently rushed thru a situation that might of needed more time to develop accordingly. Maybe it’ll be one of my regrets that eventually turns out for the better. Who knows?! I can only hope for the better. In the meantime, I’ll just settle for the uncertainty that life has to offer me. Trying to take full advantage of the opportunity that is thrown at me.

To those of you that I’ve had the privilege of meeting first hand, I would like to take this time to let you all know that I appreciate you. I don’t think as a society, we don’t a express our appreciation for one another enough. For those yet I’ve crossed paths with, see ya when I see ya!!

Well, it’s been about an entire week since my last post. I guess running into “her” was a bit more traumatic than I could imagine. However, it did put me in a state of limbo. I wasn’t inspired to blog or do anything for the good part of last week. Although, I was able to make it out to the strip club with my ol’ pal, Jimbo. Good times shared by all there! Anyways, now I sit here in my office once again on a Monday morning wishing I was somewhere else. Today is President’s Day and I’m by myself here at work. Hopefully my boss takes pity on me and let me go home early today. Who knows?! We’ll see I guess. Then again, if I was home, I’d probably not be doing anything productive. I definitely need to get off my ass and get shit done. I guess my biggest issue as of late is my lack of motivation. There is so much I want to accomplish in such little time. And each day brings something new that I want to do. A vicious cycle!!!! I need to win the Lotto and then I’ll be in good standings with things. Maybe then, I’ll be able to do all of this shit I’ve been wanting to do for some time now. I guess only in a fantasy world that could happen. Until then, I’ll sit here dreaming of better days.

The month is just a bit more than half way over. Needless to say, Valentine’s day came and went. Was never really into that holiday as most people are. I remember the only thing good about that day was when I was in grade school, me and all my classmates were to make and pass out Valentine’s Day cards to one another. It was like Halloween at the beginning of the year. It was never a bad time when free candy was involved!!! Nowadays, as I get older, certain holidays are never the same anymore. In this case, holidays that require a gift of some sorts. I never actually cared for getting gifts as much as giving them out. I guess I was the type of person that found enjoyment more in giving than receiving. I know how corny I sound right there, but it’s true. I enjoy the reaction I get when I give someone a gift more than receiving a gift myself. Or maybe…just maybe, I came to a conclusion where if I give someone a gift and I expect something in return is just so very foolish of me to think that way. I was just setting myself up for disappointment. And that, is just stupid of me. I guess now, I’m just accustomed to not expect anything in return for my attempts of good deeds.

I know now that life has a funny way in showing appreciation for things. I was reminded recently that being polite is a lost art. Where the word “please” is not used enough in society. I was at my favorite coffee shop getting my usual dose of a vanilla chai, where I was reminded by the gal behind the counter that being polite is rare nowadays. She continued on saying that many people will say “thanks” and stuff like that but not many say “please” anymore. That hearing that word from me was quite refreshing to her. I have concluded that she is a very sweet gal and as of date, she is my favorite caffeine aficionado and I look forward to future encounters with her. I think I will pay her a visit sometime later this week.

I think this blog and my ramblings has gone long enough. I think I’ve made up for the lack of blogs as of late. In either case, I’ve mumbled long enough about myself. I’m sure most of you are sick of reading this by now, so I’ll end here.

“People teach their dogs to sit, it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.” -Mitch Hedberg

Each week by Thursday, I try to get over that hump day slump. That feeling that I get when I realize that another week is about over. A lethargic state of mind that I know I need to get over. Most people I know look forward to that milestone and can’t wait for that weekend to come. In some sense I tend to have a feeling of dread as the weekend approaches. I don’t know why but I do. Maybe it’s because I know that as soon as that weekend hits…it’s already over. Time flies way too fast these days. Too fast for me to even try to enjoy the hours of the day. I can’t really explain it. For the past several months, it seems that I’ve been living life in a state of limbo. Where things are just teetering just beyond my grasp. Where any sudden movement can force things into a certain direction where it’ll be impossible to regain any advantage of retaining that equilibrium that you once had. I can only distract myself momentarily with randomness before I fall back into this rut. I mean I figured this is only a state of mind that I’m in. That all I need is a simple conscious decision to make it all stop. I don’t know if it’s that easy. Maybe I’m just fooling myself. Maybe I’m a classic case of depression and I don’t even know it. I would consider those clinical studies that offer you compensation for your time and efforts. However, feeling like a lab rat doesn’t tickle my fancy at all. I guess, that’ll be my last resort. The day I hit rock bottom with things and have my proverbial “break down”, I’ll go that route. In the meantime, all I can hope for is better tomorrows. I’ll see if that saying, “Only time will tell…” is true to form. But that seems like bullshit too!! For the fact that it brings me back to my beginning issue…TIME!!! Sitting here waiting to see how life unfolds for me seems so very…cruel. Now I know what they meant by being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Being in a constant struggle with things and where any possibility seems impossible to achieve.

For all my Asian folk…Happy New Year!!!!!

I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy. -Mitch Hedberg

Chuck Norris Fact:

All action movies were adaptations of Chuck Norris’ life experiences.